...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
