I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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