We need to rekindle our bromance
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
