I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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