butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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