just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
