you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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