I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
