Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
