so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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