i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
