I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
