I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
