your parents love me but you hate me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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