I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
