You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
someone owes me an orgasm
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
