cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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