loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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