I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
