you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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