i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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