imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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