Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's like heaven, but drunker
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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