Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
