dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
