She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize