I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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