My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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