You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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