My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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