Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize