She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
