I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
