Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
