somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
