I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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