So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
