I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
