I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
