And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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