in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
