shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
