god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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