let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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