That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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