making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
