He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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