My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
