Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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