1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
