The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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