what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
