I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize