You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
