Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
