I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
