If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
