the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
