im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fuck appropriateness.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
