My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
