Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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