Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
