Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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