It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
