Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
