# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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