just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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