i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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