Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
