wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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