She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
