I am spending my child support on dildos
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
worst night to have a conscience
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
