I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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