nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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