did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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