You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
