No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
