Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize