im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
