I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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