I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
