White coat. Heels.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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