I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
