Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
