I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
