I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
