dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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