dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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