Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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