It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
