Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
