Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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